Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
