I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
