Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
