weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
