I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
