You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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