I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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