You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
