I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
