What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
