I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex on a dog bed..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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