Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
