dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
