he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
there is puke in my bra ... again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
