I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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