I cut my penus on the lid.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
