dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
