brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
