So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
