Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
