that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
