So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
