Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You ruined the universe
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