I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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