wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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