Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
