Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's Friday. Sex?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
