Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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