I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
