I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
