RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
accomplished twins. life is a go
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
