I will die if light touches me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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