I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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