I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
