i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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