I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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