I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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