My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
