Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
