she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
