shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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