I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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