I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
