and she was petting her beer can
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
