She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
