I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize