If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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