i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize