My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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