Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
