Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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