I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
