Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
