That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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