Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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