dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
