I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
