Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
