No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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