I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
