just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am one with the molecules
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
