I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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