The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You pole danced in your parka.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
