I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You peed on a flamingo?!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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