O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize