..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
