under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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