You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
