so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
