it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
