Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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