yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
