Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
