I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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