so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
