dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
