i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
