im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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