Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
