Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
