ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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