and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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