it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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